Archive for May, 2010

Royal Quiet DeLuxe

Hemingway’s favorite typewriter…….I would look marvelous with one. It would always have a slightly yellowed sheet of paper at the ready, and interesting stories would come from it. Bullfighting and boxing……..yes, those would be worthy subjects, along with hunting and fishing. My days would begin with a bracer in hand, and cigar in my pocket. People would refer to me as a man’s man, an educated literary fellow……..the most interesting man in the world. Oh, all that I could be, if only……….

Lost……is it over yet?

I have heard from a lot of bummed out people who followed the show for 6 seasons. The cause of their complaint, is not that it is over, but that they don’t know what it was about. Did it all have meaning they wonder? To whom can they now turn to answer the unanswered? Did it really all happen (as in real life)? When will the first volume of “Lost Theology” be published?

Hello it was a TV show folks, just like Fantasy Island!

Although now that I think about it, weren’t there were 3 parallel universes, with an island each for Ricardo Montalban, Ceasar Romero and Fernando Llamas. I am so confused all of a sudden….da plane boss, da plane……yes how many the sleepless nights contemplating it all. It will never be over will it?

Jesse James…you gotta be kidding

Serial adulterer Jesse James claims that he “wanted to get caught”. Okie-dokie. Furthermore he sought treatment for a combination of sex addiction AND anger management, which no doubt were the result of his being a “victim of childhood abuse”. He does not specify whether he was an altar boy, or spent any time under Father Mulroney.

On the other side of the coin is America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, who no doubt was initially infatuated with the subject’s sexual addiction tendencies. Ha ha……..she thought it was all about her. What part of, HE WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED TO A PORNO QUEEN, did she not get?
But hey, I don’t get any of this either….

Rand Paul Says…

restaurants need not serve cafe con leche nor coffee black. What say ye?

Ugly Feet…. Should There Be a Law?

Should offenders be prohibited from wearing open top shoes? A law passed perhaps? Sandals a misdemeanor, flip flops a felony?

Before further discussion, a disclaimer. I am not referring to the the ugly that is the result of birth defects, or bad genes. You can’t help that. I am talking about ugliness as a consequence of neglect, poor hygiene, lack of grooming, or years of wearing pointy-toed high heel shoes.

We have outlawed nudity, intoxication, and smoking in public spaces. Can we not find an elected politico willing to take up this fight? Will the Tea Party Movement take up the cause?I am going out on a limb, but Sarah Palin might……..well that depends on her feet.

(as a point of reference, the babe pictured above has some pretty feet)

Coulrophobia

Fear of clowns.

Yep, I am afraid of clowns. Afraid in the sense that they make me uncomfortable…..make my skin crawl. There is nothing funny or happy about them. Something sinister lurks behind those painted smiles.

We caution our children to be wary of strangers, yet we foist these two-faced creatures on them at kiddie birthday parties. Later we wonder why little Jimmy climbed into the car with the smiling man that offered him candy. When viewing pictures of the local pedophiles posted at the library, I am always on the lookout for Ronald McDonald.

Have you ever closely observed the clowns at a circus or carnival? Well I dare you to take a careful look-see. Don’t even get me started on the Joker-Heath Ledger affair…….done in by his inner clown. Your thoughts?

One group is exempt from the foregoing…. rodeo clowns. Though I guess your rank and file rodeo bull might disagree.

Poor Barry the Dog

I try not be amazed at the weirdness of life every time I pick up the newspaper. Seems like my own life is strange enough, so who am I to judge right? Perhaps then, one of you may comment on the following story just off the press:

A 57 year-old man strangled his pit bull pet with a zip tie, and threatened to do likewise to his family members. The man, Vladimir Stefanovich Struk, told the cops he killed “Barry” the dog because it was, “in the house and living better than him.”

Makes me want to roll up a newspaper and spank ole Vlad for being a bad, bad man!