Angry Birds-A Real Headache for the Aspca………

when the animals go to war with each other. How does one pick sides? The birds have turned into suicide bombers, and the pigs complain they can no longer go to the market. We may never fully understand the initial cause of the conflict, but in the end, someone will blame Michael Vick.  He is an Eagle after all…..and hey, is that a pigskin in his hand?

Dream Walking

I’ve lost two old friends in the last three weeks. The first died after a three-month skirmish with pancreatic cancer. I say skirmish because he (and his doctors) truly felt he had a 2-5 year window to battle the his disease. Death overtook him quickly and by surprise. His last words to his wife, “I did not expect to die today”.

My other friend, older than myself,  passed away this past Saturday night at age 61 from unexpected heart failure. He uttered no last words, yet ironically, had just e-mailed to me a bucket list of things he still aspired to experience. He was never the spiritual type, but I wonder if he had experienced some form of premonition. I hold this list as his personal goodbye.

Of interest, they were not known to one another, and only recently had we “rediscovered” our friendships after the absence of years. I don’t know what to make of it, or if there is even a common thread for me to follow.

“I put out for him”, she said….

matter-of-factly to her twenty-somethingish BFF.

Well, that certainly perked up my ears, as I casually sipped on a latte one table away. After swallowing the hook, I remained a not so unwilling, and curious audience for the balance of the conversation. In a nutshell, this is how it went down. (yes that too)

The initial courting consisted of friending, and heavy facebooking during the course of a week.  That evolved into two or three days of sexting followed by a single phone call, and of course the main event. Since the coupling there has been no further contact with our protagonist…….not even a casual facebooking. However, as it turns out, there are comemorative pics circulating the interwebs. Kind of a poor man’s sex tape.

Moral of the story? Neither Kindle nor Nook will ever replace a quiet evening at the bookstore.  (BTW The two gossip girls pictured are a sculpture by Ron Mueck)

Bubba Went Deer Hunting……

last week, and I think he was drinking too much. Oh my goodness you should hear the stories……

The Road of Ten Thousand Pains

Tell my story oh Muse….of a man’s ruinous anger,

That brought ten thousand pains upon his house.

Casting its brave souls to hades,

And their bodies to the  dogs, and birds of prey.

All while the will of God was done.

Homer (by Ormy)

Just When I Thought I Was Out….

they pull me back in. 

This guy wanted to retire.

This one not so much.

Hey what about me?

Wish I Was There

As I write this I wish I was there.

Thought I was on my way.

I was on the road yet…

It don’t seem to get there from here.

Not right now.

And that’s what makes it hard.

‘Cause I’ve lost my ticket home.

(Hey my first country western song!)

When Your Car Coughs

My car did that today. It is a sure sign that a full-blown eight cylinder illness is on the way. Sure enough the subtle indications grow progressively worse, until only total rest alleviates the noisy symptoms.

I took the patient to Dr. Goodwrench, who immediately observed a high temperature and acute dehydration. Next thing you know the patient is admitted for a waterpumpdectomy.

Does Obama care cover this?

Postscript. Upon opening the patient, Dr. Goodwrench declared further tests and analysis were needed. This of course after going home for the evening without completing the operation. Additional ‘dectomy’s and transplants were performed. The patient is in recovery. The Dr is planning a Caribbean vacation………….I am not.

The iWish…….

my damn phone would work. Such is the sad refrain emanating from the the lips of  iPhone4 owners.  Ah yes, tis a tragedy played out in two acts:

Act One.

The worlds worst cellular network, holds exclusive rights to the new device.

Act Two.

The antenna of the new device is rendered inoperable when it is held. I might add that it falls under the category of “Hand Held Device”.

The faithful owners, soon to be better known as the “iPhone4 class action group”, are nevertheless impressed with the WiFi capabilities of same. Perhaps renaming the new product iTouch4 would solve the problem. But not to worry, the iLandline will soon hit the Apple Store near you.

Caption for the above photo: “Gee Bob we’re getting out of range……maybe if we tie a string between them…..”

Dilemma at the Public Loo

Ok. Please bear with me as I attempt to deal with this in tasteful fashion.

Thursday morning found me comfortably seated at a public loo. I had just settled in with the sports section, when the small still quiet of the room was interrupted with,…. well……troubling sounds. I am not referring to the masked sounds associated with the perfunctory courtesy flush. No no, this was laboured breathing.  A huffing and puffing very much along the lines of the three little pigs….. I am going to blow your house down.

Initially my sensibilities were wounded, as I felt a kindred spirit had decided to ignore one of the basic rules of toilet etiquette. However, two pages ( a wonderful article on Landon Donovan) into things, I began to fear for the health of the poor fellow (who was thankfully) two stalls down. What does one do you ask?

Well being a civilized gentleman, I promptly evacuated the premises, and alerted the authorities via 911. Some have suggested a more hands approach, but you must understand that any sort of personal intervention would be poorly looked upon.

I am not saying that my actions were heroic, but perhaps I saved a life that day.